What kind of scam are you running?

OK...here is the situation. I am standing in line at an undisclosed location fully ready to spend some more money so that I can get a wireless internet connection and I can return to reading other people's blog posts from the comfort of my own bed. The way it works at this place is:

1) Enter a hot trailer that is manned by some guy from the Middle East selling cell phones and other accessories

2) Wait till Middle Eastern guy finishes writing contracts for the 5 kids standing in front of you

3) Wipe sweat off brow (repeat this as often as once every 30 seconds)

4) Ask the Middle Eastern guy if you can buy wireless access (really just a username and password on a lottery scratch off with a coin type card)

5) Listen to his sales pitch on why you would want to buy 30 days of access rather than 3 or 4 (his math is really good on this one)

6) Hand him your credit card and watch as he looks at you like you are retarded (CASH ONLY in this trailer, he says, even though you just saw each of the 5 kids before you purchase their new cell phones and SIM cards with a credit card)

7) Run over to the finance office and ask for a cash advance on your next paycheck so you have enough money to pay for the wireless access (This one was a little tough as it required my commander's signature and he wasn't around..."I will take care of you, Sir" said the female sergeant)

8) Run back to the hot trailer with a fist full of crisp Hamiltons and drop them on the counter only to have the Middle Eastern guy look at me like he had never seen me before (in his defense, it probably took me about 40 minutes to get the cash and get back to the hot trailer)

9) Before I could remind him why I was there, we were interrupted by a short soldier with a shaved head (not uncommon in these parts)

I kid you not, the exact conversation was exactly like this:

S: What are you doing? Running some kind of scam?!! (Holding his scratched off card in the air, his rifle at the low ready-unloaded)

MEG: What are you talking about sir? I don't know what you are talking about.

S: I buy this card yesterday, enter the username and password, and get about a minute of surfing before it drops off. The rest of the day I spent trying to get access. I went to five different locations (lists them off, one by one) and I couldn't get on the internet anywhere. I just want to know what kind of scam you are running here.

MEG: Sir, we do not run a scam here. I don't know what you are talking about.

At this point, I am starting to question my earlier decision to purchase the access. The soldier was quite upset and didn't seem to be getting anywhere with the MEG.

S: I paid for a day and got only one minute. I want to know what kind of scam you are running.

MEG: Sir, like I said earlier, we do not run a scam here. This is a legitimate business. We have customer service come out every day to the trailer at 1700 and you can meet with him. Bring your laptop by at 1700.

This is where I resisted laughing. This pitiful soldier was pressing this Middle Eastern guy about the $4 he had just spent on the wireless access the day prior. The soldier responded with this:

S: You listen to me. (PAUSE for dramatic effect) Before I joined the Army, I worked for Dell. (Another PAUSE) Customer Service. (Again, another PAUSE) I know computers. I work with computers in the Army. (Don't we all?) I don't need the help of YOUR customer service to fix this scam you are running.

MEG: Sir, we do not run a scam here. This is a real company. I don't think you worked for Dell Customer Service, because that is where I worked in India. I did not see you there.

The entire trailer busts up laughing and I realize that the MEG is really Indian (I should have known). He wasn't trying to be funny, though. He was dead serious when he said it.

MEG/Indian Guy: You come back at 1700 and we fix your computer. We will make it right.

S: OK. 1700? Right here? OK. I want 24 hours of access, though.

MEG/Indian Guy: OK. We make things right.

At this point I reach around the soldier and extend my hand with the necessary money for 30 days of wireless access. I figure the soldier had a Windows based system and that is what was giving him the headache.

MEG/Indian Guy: 30 days access. Here you go sir. (Handing me the card with the change)

I am just glad I have a MacBook.